


How do I start, not to love you?

by DumbTeenBoy



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Other, Post-Break Up, Whizzer Brown Deserves Better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:27:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24591526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DumbTeenBoy/pseuds/DumbTeenBoy
Summary: Trina had been screwed by life in the strangest of ways, but she likes to think that among the various breakdowns and hardships, she's come out the other side a stronger person.For the first time in a while, she feels prepared.What she's not prepared for, however, is a knock on her front door at one thirty am on a Friday night.Set after The Chess Game.
Relationships: Trina/Mendel Weisenbachfeld, Whizzer Brown & Trina, Whizzer Brown/Marvin
Comments: 17
Kudos: 93





	How do I start, not to love you?

Trina didn't like surprises. She had had quite enough shocks from dens, latrines and divorce papers to last beyond a lifetime. 

However, she's not naive. She knows all too well that life never goes exactly how you expect it to. But she likes to think she's now more prepared for life's surprises. 

She has a new home with a man she loves very dearly, and who loves her, unconditionally and without shame. Her son, altough still bitter and resentful, is slowly starting to settle into the four walls they've made for themselves.

Trina had been screwed by life in the strangest of ways, but she likes to think that among the various breakdowns and hardships, she's come out the other side a stronger person.

For the first time in a while, she feels prepared.

What she's not prepared for, however, is a knock on her front door at one thirty am on a Friday night.

She's certainly not prepared to be met face to face with the man who stands on the other side, the person she wishes so badly she could hate.

He's dripping wet from the rain, and when looks at Trina his eyes are glazed over, and she can tell he's not fully here. 

"Hi." He says, his voice barely above a whisper. Trina nearly didn't catch it over the beating of her heart and the steady patter of the rain.

There's a pause.   
She wasn't prepared for this.

"Jason's asleep upstairs."   
It's all she can think of saying, the only fathomable reason she has for Whizzer Brown being on her doorstep.

"Oh. No I, I know." He averts his eyes and it's only then Trina sees it.

The brown suitcase, it's handle held tightly by white knuckles and shaking fingers.

There's a sick, twisted part of Trina she'd never admit to. The part that squeals faintly in glee. _This is what Whizzer deserves, right?_ It thinks, _he tore your family apart from the inside like a rot. This is just karma._

But she knows.  
It wasn't Whizzer's fault that she wasn't what Marvin wanted.

"Come in." Before she can think she's standing to the side and watching her husbands lover- ex-lover? Walk into her home.

He stands, looking between his feet, the walls, the couches- everywhere but Trina herself. He looks incredibly put off in such a domestic setting that Trina feels a small pang in her heart.

"Do you uh... would you like some tea?"

If she pretends Whizzer isn't Whizzer- if she acts as though he's any regular guest, maybe she can work her way through this incredibly confusing, awkward circumstance.

"Okay." Whizzer responds, a half heart shrug.

"I'll get you some uh, some clothes to change in to."

He looks down, as though only noticing his sopping wet attire.

"Thank you but you don't have to do that, really. Actually forget the tea, I'm sorry I'll just-"

He walks to the door, a newfound urgency in his step, and despite herself and all her instincts, she calls out to him.

"Whizzer. Sit on the couch. It's no trouble, I promise."

He stops at the door and takes a shuddering breath. He turns around hesitantly and makes his way to the couch, being mindful not to trip over the coffee tables.

"I'll be right back." Trina says, grateful that her voice isn't as shaky as she feels.

With a nod from Whizzer, she heads upstairs. Careful not to wake either of the men currently sleeping in their rooms, she grabs one of Mendel's older jumpers and tracksuit bottoms and makes her way downstairs.

She awkwardly hands them to Whizzer, who raises his eyebrows at the less than couture clothes he's used to. Despite everything, she lets out a small laugh and he takes them with a nod, shuffling into the downstairs bathroom.

When he comes back out, Trina sees how the pants barely reach his ankles, but he looks grateful nonetheless.

She hands him his tea, and they sit in unsure silence.

"I don't look for trouble, you know."

Her eyes snap up to Whizzer, who's stare stays firmly on the tea in his hands.

"I didn't even know he was married. Not at first." 

She stays silent, not trusting what she might say. 

"But when I found out... I didn't care. I didn't care about him outside of the bedroom. But then the divorce happend and I realized that i might not care but he did."

She knows she should be offended. He didn't _care_? He didn't care that he practically ruined her _life_? 

She wanted to be offended. Desperately.  
But all she really felt was curious. She wanted an insight to explain the events of her life she's been kept in the dark about.

So she lets him talk.

"That, well- that was scary. Love and monogamy that's not something that comes naturally to me, you know? Marvin he- he has this impatience to him. He expects me to instantly be ready- make the dinner, clip coupons, love him. He wants me to be..."

_Trina_

"He wants me to be someone I'm not."

"He hasn't changed much then." She says, voice finally betraying her.

He frowns, head tilting slightly. 

"It's funny, you know." She clears her throat. "I'm everything he wanted when it came to his dreams about family, but I was never what he needed-"

"He doesn't need me." The interruption is soft, his tone bitter and vulnerable in a way Trina wouldn't have thought possible for Whizzer.

Then again, she didnt really know him at all, she supposed.

"You wanna know what the final straw was? Chess."

Trina admits, she didn't expect that.

"A game of fucking chess is what made him realise I'm a lost cause."

"Marvin always was a sore loser."

Her comment earns a small chuckle from Whizzer before the somber mood settles back in like a weighted blanket.

"I remember the games we'd play." She says, nodding. "That's all we really had, expcept, of course for the fighting."

Yeah, she remembered the games. The condescending explanations, the smug grins as she loses again-

"Did he- did he ever do this thing where when he was concentrating, he'd just-" Whizzer pulls a face, pursing his lips and squinting his right eye, and Trina has to stop herself from bursting into laughter. 

"Oh my _god_ , the Squint! You can always tell he's going to make some smug jackass comment after pulling it."

"Yes! Thank you! And he doesn't even realise when he's doing it! I swear I've never met a man more oblivious to his own bullshit."

They laugh, and for a moment, Trina forgets that she's sitting across the man who had a full blown affair with her ex-husband. 

Her eyes land on the trunk by his legs.

"Do you have anywhere to stay? Any family to live with?" She asks and watches as his cheeks flair pink for a moment.

"I'll find somewhere. I always do."

"Well if... if you need a place to stay for a couple of days..." The proposition hangs in the air, and when Whizzer looks at her, she can see the tears threatening to spill over.

"Why do you care? Why are you being so _nice_ to me? Why aren't you- I don't know, yelling at me, or, or something. I deserve to be yelled at! You should _hate_ me."

She winces as his voice grows more and more frantic, bordering on hysterical. She stays silent as she asks herself the same question. 

Why _does_ she care?

Because she knows how he feels. She's been in his shoes before- wondering if that sweet, but horrid man loved her. Being so scared of loving him.

She's probably the only person who understands. They both know it.

He takes a shuddering breath, and Trina thinks he might continue his rant.

Instead, when he opens his mouth, the only thing to come out are sobs, rolling out in harsh waves as he collapses on the couch.

Instantly she's by his side, rubbing circles on his back, albeit awkwardly- she doesn't know how to comfort him, what works for him. So she tries.

She understands that someone being there can be more than enough.

Eventually, the waves calm, and Whizzer eyes slowly start to droop. She gently takes the tea from his hands and places the throw over him.

She turns to leave, but a gentle pull of her wrist stops her.

"Thank you, really. And I'm so, so sorry."

She gives a small smile. She doesn't need to reply.

He gets it.

Trina makes her way upstairs, into her own bed next to the man she loves. Who loves her. She's suddenly filled with an overwhelming gratitude for her second chance.

She knows she's far from forgiving, but at least tonight, she's taken one step closer to understanding.

**Author's Note:**

> We were robbed of a Trina Whizzer friendship I'm telling you. Who better to bitch about your ex husband than his ex lover?
> 
> My Twt: @BigSweaterGang


End file.
